What makes a good wife? In 2026, what qualities within a woman represent the embodiment of good “wifey material”? After crossing the pivotal first six months of marriage mark, I still have no clear answer to this question. In the quiet, everyday moments when I am alone, I find myself pondering what makes an ideal wife in our current day and age. What does being a good wife look like on a daily basis?
Ever since I was a little girl, I dreamed of being married someday. I may have been ambivalent about having children of my own, but I was dead set on finding my prince charming. All those Disney princess movies must have gotten to my head – they had me believing that finding and marrying my one true love was the pinnacle of life, my raison d’être. The ultimate goal was to be whisked away by my prince, while wearing a sparkly blue dress in an enchanted pumpkin carriage, pulled by six white horses. I still believe that love is the meaning of our human existence. But the problem begins after the wedding, when the movie credits start to roll, we all get up from our theater seats as the lights flick back on, and we return to our normal lives.
I was all caught up in the romantic fantasy, and never imagined what Cinderella – or I – would be doing six months after the wedding. Did she go back to washing laundry, only now her husband’s dirty clothes instead of her ugly stepsisters’? Or did she simply go to magical balls for the rest of her days, wearing glass slippers, draped on the arms of her beloved?
When I think of the word wife, it makes me cringe a little. It sounds so… antiquated. I associate the words dutiful, self-sacrificing, and subservient with WIFE. And the word WIFEY is no better. While wifey is portrayed as a new, seemingly modern take, it is really the same old definition, which makes me cringe even more in its fakeness. To be a good wife or wifey is to serve – to serve my husband, to place his needs before my own, to sacrifice myself for him. To be a good wife means cooking for my husband, cleaning for my husband, washing the dirty laundry for my husband, and providing sexual favors for my husband, all with an acquiescent smile and perfect demeanor. We are all fed the lie that goodness, or even our right to exist as women, is based upon performance. To be a good wife means living for another, and in the process, discarding our own wants, needs, and identity altogether.
And that is exactly what women of past generations had to do to survive. It seems to me that a lot of married women today are still unconsciously re-enacting this outdated survival script because the rules and concept of marriage have never been fully revised. I am a smart, successful businesswoman, and guess what I did last night? I washed my husband’s dirty socks and underwear.
Perhaps this is where so much of the confusion of being a modern newlywed lies – we are trying to re-create the same outdated dynamics of our parents, and their parents, and their parents, which never worked in the first place. The world has changed, but the rules of being a good wife have remained the same. I believe in true love. I believe in lifelong partnership. I believe in divine union and marriage. But I do not believe in being a good wife.
And so, it is up to each one of us to rewrite the script for who we shall be as a “good” wife. Perhaps we might discard the word wife altogether and replace it with partner, because that’s what marriage is, a partnership. When I think of the word partner, I associate the words honesty, patience, and optimism. While not ground-breaking in any means, I’ve determined that those are the three foundational words that underlie my marriage. I challenge you to come up with three words that represent the new script of your own union if you are in one.
To be a good partner, a good wife, I need to be honest. Not only to be honest with my husband, but to be honest with myself. To be 100% authentic about my own needs and wants, and to clearly communicate that with my husband. While my partner Grif is very empathic, he is no mind-reader, and he appreciates it when I tell him things directly and honestly. While the brutal truth might be tough, it is only temporary and doesn’t breed long-term resentment for suppressing what we want or need.
To be a good partner, I need to be patient. Grif and I have had very different life experiences, and we perceive and understand the world very differently. Sometimes it’s difficult for us to wrap our heads around what the other is saying in the moment, but with patience, we get to see the world from another’s perspective and expand our understanding of one another. To be patient is to be curious.
To be a good partner, I need to be optimistic. Not delusionally positive, but rather optimistic in the sense that I anticipate the good in my husband. To assume that he is operating from a well-intentioned place, even if the words might come out wrong. To remember that at the end of the day, we are really just best friends building a life together, forever.
If Cinderella appeared today, I think she would be proud of the wife, of the partner, I’m becoming. But more importantly, the little girl from long ago would be proud of who I am today.
love, Lexy
